The best of cricket sledges (Too much amazing)

Subba Row vs Trueman

England were playing Pakistan in Headingley and Trueman saw a Pakistani batsman being dropped by Raman Subba Row at first slip. The ball had gone through his legs. After Trueman completed the over, Row went over to Trueman and said, "Sorry Fred, I should've kept my legs together." Trueman, not amused, replied, "Not you b*****d. Your mother should have."

A Graceful One
During a county game, the legendary W G Grace was clean bowled by a rookie. Grace was man enough to stand his ground. "They came to watch me bat, not you bowl," he said.

McGrath vs Sarwan
Sarwan and McGrath went eyeball to eyeball in Antigua in May 2003. Sarwan, on his way to a sublime second-innings century that eventually helped Windies chase a record 418, was taunted by McGrath, "So what does Brian Lara's arse taste like?" To this Sarwan said, "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath went mad with rage. "If you ever f*****g mention my wife again," he said, "I'll f*****g rip your f*****g throat out."

McGrath Vs Brandes
Long before that exchange, Zimbabwean pacer and chicken farmer Eddo Brandes was once unable to get his bat anywhere near McGrath's deliveries. Frustrated that Brandes was still at it, McGrath went up to him and said, "Why are you so fat?" Brandes replied, "Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit." That had even the Aussie slip cordon in splits.

Rod Marsh vs Botham
When Botham took guard during the memorable Ashes series in 1981 at Headingley, Aussie wicket-keeper Rodney Marsh welcomed with, "So how's your wife and my kids?" Botham replied, "Wife's fine, but your kids are retarded."

Ormond vs Waugh
During the '94 Ashes in Australia, England's James Ormond had just come out to bat. Mark Waugh, fielding at second slip, greeted him by saying, "Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England." Ormond, who was clued in to the debate in the Australian media over who was the better player between the twins Mark and Steve, replied, "Maybe not. But I'm still the best player in my family."

The Red Cherry
In the middle of a county match between Glamorgan and Somerset, Glamorgan pacer Greg Thomas beat Viv Richards and had the temerity to inform the legend, "It's red, round and weighs five ounces." The next ball was smashed out of the ground, into a river. Richards said, "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it."

Healy Vs Ranatunga
During the '95-'96 Australia-Sri Lanka series, Aussie wicket-keeper Ian Healy made a comment which was picked up by the host boadcaster Channel 9. It was a particularly hot night in Sydney and Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner. Healy told him, "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat, ****."

Waugh Vs Parore
Mark Waugh was standing at second slip and Kiwi keeper Adam Parore, who was relatively new to international cricket (this was the '97-'98 series), came to the crease and played and missed the first ball. Mark Waugh said, "I remember you from a couple of years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you're f*****g useless now." Parore, who had all the personal details of Waugh, replied, "Yeah, that's me and when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut and now I hear you've married her."

Merv Hughes Vs Cronje
During the 1993-94 series between Australia and South Africa in South Africa, Australian pacer Merv Hughes was being carted all around the park in one of the tour games. Cronje hit a number of sixes off Hughes. After another one landed out of the ground, Hughes walked up to Cronje, stood still and let out a fart and said, "Try hitting that for a six." It was five minutes before Cronje and the Aussies could stop laughing.

Steve Waugh vs Parthiv Patel
Sydney, 2004. Steve Waugh's final test. Indians were pressing for victory. As Waugh fought a grim battle to stave off defeat, Patel couldn't stop saying, "Come on, just one more of the famous slog-sweeps before you finish." Waugh, who was visibly annoyed, said, "'Look, show a bit of respect. You were still in your nappies when I made my debut 18 years ago." Parthiv must have been delighted when Waugh perished to the slog-sweep, to be caught by Tendulkar at deep mid-wicket off Kumble.

Disgusting but an amazing odd news!!

Pupils find teacher in soft porn advert on YouTube --- Source DNA India

Imagine Rakhi Sawant taking a Biology teacher job after featuring in "Pardesiya Remix Music Video"...Why Biology...C'mon guys she can only teach Biooooolooogyyy !! Read the actual story below!!

LONDON: An attractive teacher at a private school is at the centre of a sex storm after pupils spotted her in a raunchy video.

The £7,000-a-year Stockport Grammar, in Greater Manchester, is investigating allegations that English teacher Sarah Green appeared in a sexually explicit internet ad before working at the school.Video is below :


Several parents of pupils have complained about her appearance in the video, which is currently on YouTube and other websites and has been circulating among their children. The video, for Scruffs workwear, lasts almost two minutes and shows three simulated sex scene.

Modern Maths

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy

Donkey = eat + sleep


Therefore,

Human = Donkey + work + enjoy


if, Human - enjoy = Donkey + work


In other words,

Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that work (Eqn 1)

******************************************************


Equation 2

Men = eat + sleep + earn money

Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore, Men = Donkeys + earn money (Eqn 2)

If Men - earn money = Donkeys

In other words,

Men that don't earn money = Donkeys (Eqn 3)


******************************************************


Equation 3

Women = eat + sleep + spend

Donkeys = eat + sleep


Therefore, Women = Donkeys + spend (Eqn 4)


If, Women - spend = Donkeys

In other words,


Women that don't spend = Donkeys (Eqn 5)


******************************************************


To Conclude:

From Eqn 3 and Eqn 5
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend
So,
Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)

Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)

From Eqn 2 + Eqn 4, we have
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend
From Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude

Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys

And the Donkeys live happily ever after!

Nominations are open for Bharat Ratna !!

That's right guys i am talking about the highest civilian award in India. How about Lalu Prasad Yadav or Mulayalam Singh Yadav or the winner of Big Brother Ms Shilpa Shetty getting this highest civilian award?Let us first understand what the actual meaning of Bharat Ratna-- This is what Wikipedia says
"Bharat Ratna (translates to Jewel of India or Gem of India) is India's highest civilian award, awarded for the highest degrees of national service. This service includes artistic, literary, and scientific achievements, as well as "recognition of public service of the highest order."Unlike knights, holders of the Bharat Ratna carry no special title nor any other honorifics, but they do have a place in the Indian order of precedence. The award was established by the first President of India, Rajendra Prasad, on January 2, 1954."

In this story , I am gonna comment on the following news articles which i have read in some recent days:
Advani demands BHARAT RATNA for Vajpayee : Mr Advani , Bharat Ratna is awarded at the national level. Why don't you start your own awards , one of the scintillating name could be “India Shining BJP Awards”.Nobody would have any objection with the nominations where Mr Vajpayee would receive Bharat Ratna and you woukd be eligible for Padam Vibhushan and lot of Padamshri 's like Sushma Swaraj , Arun Jaitley,Madan Lal Khurana etc etc.

CPI-M wants BHARAT RATNA for Jyoti Basu : I guess Mr Basu actually deserves it. After all he has ruled Bengal for so many decades. For his extraordinary abilities of remaining in power and an undisputed ruler of bengal he should be awarded with Communist Ratna but certainly not Bharat Ratna.

Care2 News Network says Ratan Tata deserves a BHARAT RATNA : I am confused now .He is the guy responsible for showing the Indian capabilities to the West. Tata's are one of the biggest employer in India with their so many group companies. He has the guts of developing the cheapest car in the world along with bidding for the most luxurious brands like Jaguar and Land Rover.But he should not worry about this award because he is already a Ratna (“Ratan Tata”).

Mayawati wants BHARAT RATNA for Kanshi Ram:This was the most weird nomination but it is a democracy and everyone has a right to shout. Miss Mayawati you cannot ask a Bharat Ratna for a personal favor but it should be something done at the national level and for all the different Indian communities not just the one.Disqualified.

How about giving this award to a Bihari guy. Oh God , I am not taking about our Railway Minister Lalu ji but about his mentor. That's right you do not know his name. He was not only the mentor of today's most powerful Bihari politicians but was also the Chief Minister of Bihar,Karpoori Thakur.He was the political mentor of Lalu Prasad, Ramvilas Paswan and Chief Minister Nitish Kumar. Could be a possible davedaar.He has given not one but the three star politicians to Bharat desh.
Other disqualified entries comprises Big Brother winner Shilpa Shetty , Amitabh Bachchan,Sachin Tendulkar , Sonia Gandhi .
Fore more interesting stories visit--http://delhiboyinusa.blogspot.com/

Viva Vegas Pics - Helicopter view--Strip in the night

Paris Hilton's Hotel...Oops!! She is no longer a heiress now..Her grandfather has pledged his fortune to charity...Bechari ko ab aise waise tareeko se hi paise kamane padenge (I mean she will have to feature in more movies like "One night in Paris "
Rio hotel just look wowww ... You can see all the colors in the night on Vegas strip.

This is the famous Stratosphere tower "The landmark of Las Vegas strip"

Are you a guy dreaming of a Green Card ? Gone are the days when $1 = Rs 50.

Once you land up in USA , you have bucket of reasons for not returning back to India. There is 24 hrs water supply , electricity,amazing and huge buildings ,much better workplace ambiance (only possible if your boss is not desi),everything is so organized and above all you earn in $$$$$$$.
But is it really worth staying here for the entire life. Gone are the days when $1 = Rs 50 , so is your savings. The US economy is headed towards recession with so many things happening inside and outside America .

But the people still want to spend rest of your life over here. Thanks to the so called Indo American Associations which help all the American Desis children to learn and understand the things about your motherland. But dancing on the bollywood tunes do not make your child Indian , he is still an American Born Confused Desi (ABCD).It is very unlikely that your child would ever think of settling in India.You want your parents to live with you .But they do not feel comfortable out here.And they prefer staying back. You will name your child Kalpen Modi but he will change his name to Kal Pen (Kal Pen , guy who appeared in The Namesake, Harold and Kumar ,American Desi movies)

When you are young , you just want to earn lot and lot of dollars. You do not care about working overtime on the weekdays post 5 and over the weekends. You can enjoy all the great and wow looking cars during this time. If you have a passion for cars this is the place. But once you come in your mid 40's you feel so isolated and ignorant.You do not fit in your children's world and same aged Americans. You want to go back to India but you have responsibilities and you have to live with them.

Imagine a life at 50 when you yourself have to do your laundries , do your dishes , fill the gas and yourself have to clean your house. It is not that you have not done all these things in your life but you are tired of doing all these things now. You need a break from this life and just want to retire and relish the life with your Grand Childrens. But you get to see them only on thanksgiving. Your grand kids do not even know about Diwali or Holi but they do believe in Santa .The only places left for you are the parties organized by Indian American Associations .Surprisingly , in that party too all the guys hardly speak in Hindi , after all it is not an Indian Association .It is like the bollywood actors who speak hindi only in films (because of which they are famous) but not in the interviews promoting that film.

Las Vegas thrill rides from Stratosphere tower!!

Every one out of three software person wants to leave technology...is it??

I was having a conversation with my friend when he said "Main to software ke lie bana hi nahi hoon" (I am not meant for the software industry). I replied this is what every one out of three software person says.

What's wrong with the Information Technology job ? The answer is very simple "IT SUCKS" .Well , but not everybody thinks like that initially but after spending 3-4 years , yes definitely. Let me scratch your past , your engineering days or the days when you guys were busy preparing for the entrance exams (Bechare bachhe jaae kahan ,har jagah entrance exam ho gaya hain bhai, itni population bhi to hain India ki "Where do the children go coz of India's population , all the educational institutes have started taking entrances")

Yes , those were the days when you were dying to get admission in an A++ college for computer science branch. Finally after so many jugads and the prarthnas (blessings) you get admission into it. You somehow mugs everything and without understanding learn all the disgusting and ****ing languages like C , C++ , JAVA , and the list never ends.You clear all your semesters and you come to your final year. Now what next.......Again ENTRANCE.......

that's right for a company job too...Now you aim for getting into some big multinational desi company....The only difference in the preparation is you have started smoking suttas (mostly Gold Flake/Navy Cut/Classic Regular...no milds please) and you do not like to shave while studying.

You clear the entrance , then the group discussion , technical interview , bloddy HR interview. You start working , you are the happiest person in the IT world. Within a period of four years you start earning in amazing figures along with uncountable overseas trips (and lot of unaccountable income).
So it shows IT have made it possible (all the money for your aiyaashi (money for fun).And one day saalo you say "Main to software ki lie bana hi nahi hoon"

Dyslexia fever continues……………

Dad I have dyslexia, do not disturb me , haven’t you seen Amir Khan uncle’s Taare Zameen Par. Yes , this is what happenings post TZP. Parents have lost their basic right of scolding and beating a child .The most frequent said lines are “Letters are dancing, they are jumping , they are invisible etc etc”

All these frustrated and irritated parents are thinking of putting a Morcha in front of Mr. Khan’s house. Teachers are the most affected and suffered ones. They can’t even force their words on students now. The only happy and most loved teachers are Art teachers and the Sport coaches. Everyone is interested in their classes now. Before the release of TZP all the schools had only one art/sport period per week but post release it has been increased to 5 classes per week.

The children are also full of confidence even without studying the main stream subjects as they are sure of their bright and colorful future.---Courtesy Amir uncle.

As the movie is becoming a bigger hit , more and more cases of dyslexia are coming up in almost all the schools of India and Pakistan (Yes it is a hit there too as they see hindi movie before the release itself).All the cases in the schools are self claimed (without doctor’s check up) , every 1 out of 4 bacha is claming to avoid the booj of the heavy school bastaa.The weirdest dyslexia claim is made by a guy studying in the second semester of the Civil Engineering course.

I know the movie is really very sentimental and close to Amir’s heart and I am seriously serious about not making it funnier than funniest in the coming future articles.

Is Taare Zameen Par your story too???

Don't worry folks by telling this i am not trying to say whoever is reading this article is or was suffering from dyslexia (Inability to learn and write the things).Thanks to Amir Khan for educating the filmi public of bharat desh.At one time in a movie even i wanted to suffer from dyslexia .As Amir Khan says Einstein , Edison bla bla had the same disease shows future of the child suffering from dyslexia is really bright.
If you analyze Amir's movie they always have social message like
Rang de basanti had : Make a firang gal friendzz. Enjoy with her a lot. Invlove your jobless and nithalle dost log and make a gang.Bet who can stay less tight after drinking tanks of beer et etc......
this was just the beginning of the movie.But the actual story was --- An angrez gal comes from England. She launches a movement to find 3-4 murgas who she can kurban and can get a good and true story. Finally she finds them. Guys are mad over the Angrez gal (so what if their bloody forefathers had ruled and looted us for so many years).One guy starts loving her enjoy her for some time and finally kills the minister along with his two other friends and finally all these guys were killed in an encounter just after the Rubaruuuuuuu song. Good song while seeing this movie i was really wondering where the director would fit this song. Anyways let's come back to the muddaa..There is still one guy remaining he does something amazingly amazing. He shoots his father.Saale puri picture me baap ke paise se Marlboro peete hue sharam nahi aai....And the goriii gal goes back .very much similar to the 1947.
Not much investment but the returns are somewhat like Sooraj Barjatiya's Hum Aapke Hain Kaun..
Jokes apart but i know one guy who was for sure suffering from dyslexia and have really made big .I am talking about Sir Richard Branson (Founder of Virgin Airlines , Virgin Music , Virgin Cola and the owner of so many more virgins....lolzzzz).His autobiography “Loosing my virginity is worth for the time you will spend in reading it”

Tata's Jaguar and BCCI bats for emerging Indiaaaa!!

Indians are there in the news everywhere.Whether for the good or the bad reasons.Just try speaking this--- TAta Jaguar or Tata Landrover.This is what the power of brand India.So what if world's biggest hotel chain Oriental Hotels still discriminates TATA for being an Indian brand.Time has come when all these so called firang brands have to understand and utilize the emerging India.They know the markets in USA/UK and in other European countries are stagnant.If they want growth they have to come to ASIA and have to treat the desi companies without showing their firang attitude.
Let's move to cricket.
DO you feel "Monkey" is a racist slur.C'mon Andrew Symonds take a chill pill.You need a psychiatrist .Even though you look like one our bhajji always controlled his sentiment (by not laughing when you were batting).I guess Indian team is right and it is Austraila which is responsible for souring and disappointing the fans from both the countries.ICC should know their 90 percent source of income is from Indian subcontinent.How many guys would switch on their TVs for watching a game b/w England and AUS or Scotland vs WI.Nothing can compare the matches b/w the teams of Indian subcontinent (except Bangladesh (Suckers were responsible for India's debacle in last year world cup))
So watch out all the high class arrogant firangs you can be our next target if you do not stop discriminating.
Cheers to Tatas and to Indian Cricket team.

Importance of investing from an early age!!

Have you thought of investing in a share market ? If no please start thinking.It is risky but not impossible.Do not be afraid of it.Do not invest in one shot , invest over a period of time.This could be a shortest possible way for you to become a crorepati at very young age if you start investing early.

You know what if you invest only Rs 20,000 ($500) every month and expect a return somewhere from 10-20 % , the value of your invested amount would be somewhere around 1 crore rupees ($250,000) and that too tax free.
No doubt there is a risk associated whether it is an Indian stock market or the US Dow Jones but there is a very good chance of even 40% returns if invested intelligently.The share market is affected by number of reasons like global economy state , wars , oil price and the political conditions of different countries.It takes time to become a master of all the different terms which are used in trading but once you know them you dont feel like doing anything else.Afterall you are your own boss .You are investing your own money yourself and all the profit or loss is yours.

The only thing required is to control your emotions when you trade in the stock market and to know all the things happening around the world to become an effective trader.
That's why they say "Buy the rumours and sell the news" .

Amazing Seat-belt design

humara beta computer engineer

Have you ever heard the saying "Grass is always greener on the other side".Okzz let me tell this in matra baasha(mother tongue).."Doosre ki biwi apni biwi se hamesha achi lagti hain"..Let's come to the story.
When you go to a school and then to a college you always think about making big
of your own.You always want to make more girl friends than your best friend.You
try your luck in riding bikes at high speed or take guitar classes to impress the female population near you.This could be the best phase of your life.Finally you come to your final year and is busy preparing for the entrance exams either for the mba college or for some disgusting silly desi IT company.Even i did the same.
After starting working as a computer engineer one day I went to my uncle's place.He was not from any computer back ground.He asked so what do you do in your office ? I replied i write computer programs.In the midst of the conversation his 8 year old son came and asked...Can you fix my computer i have heard you are a compu engineer.Well i can't fix your dabba I am not a hardware engineer.Then came another question what is the difference b/w the two.
So the moral of the story is never visit somebody's place who does not have any computer back ground.